BEYOND BLACK AND WHITE: TRANSLATING A TREND

By Victoria Moore
Victoria writes about all things fashion-related and is a Stage IIA Breast Cancer survivor

 Looking for a job is never easy, especially when you've just spent four years of your life battling Stage II A Breast Cancer and other health issues, but the thing that's made it particularly hard for me is navigating around the challenges of resumes, interviews and employment inquiries in clothes that make me look professional and stylish yet remain comfortable and polished throughout the day.
   To get the crisp, fresh allure I was seeking when I had to go to an interview with a staffing agency last month I selected a trend that's always appealed to me-black and white. Reminiscent of art deco, film noir and the Mod gear from the 1960's, it took me back to the 1980's when I worked as a salesperson at The Limited in the Century City Plaza. While working there we were required to buy and wear their clothes on the sales floor during our shift. I didn't make a lot of money then, but I still needed the job, so I had to find a way to conform and keep my managers happy. I decided to create a formula of black and white separates that I could mix and match easily.

The Formula:
   Small, but versatile, I remember buying a white mini skirt, a black mini skirt, a white shirt, a black shirt and a pair of black slim fitting pants. All of the pieces were made out of cotton so I didn't have to take anything to the dry cleaners or worry about being uncomfortable when I wore them. I wouldn't say this was my finest fashion moment but at least it taught me how to create a uniform from one store's offerings that worked on and off the clock. At the time the only clothing problems I had to worry about was how to find something in my size and something I could afford. When I approached the black and white color scheme this time I had to figure out how to coordinate an outfit that wouldn't show all of my surgical and procedural scars and make me look as in control as possible.

   "People of all ages and circumstances of life are aware of appearance in perception of self and their relations with other people," wrote Abilene M. Hoffman, Ph.D. in Clothing For The Handicapped, the Aged, and Other People With Special Needs. Before, when I chose black and white I wanted to get the approval from my supervisors at The Limited, but this time I wanted to appear competent and prepared for a general office position by an organization that I hadn't worked with in over five years. The ability to project my most positive and best self after my stint with Breast Cancer has been a fraught with frustrating obstacles and disappointing outcomes, as my job search stretches out longer than I anticipated.

Doing My Homework:
   With this in mind I studied my fashion magazines for the season's trends and become inspired by a layout feature called mono pattern in the May 2014 issue of the Japanese version of NYLON. The placement coordinator told me, over the phone, to "dress as if I were going on a job interview" when I asked what I should wear to meet with her. I didn't want to limit myself just in case I changed my mind, so I pulled my black Calvin Klein dress out of my closet, along with my off-white and black striped sweater set by Ann Taylor, my black Ann Taylor Loft pants and my black and white pinstriped blazer by Norma Kamali.

   For a time, right after I started my chemo treatments, my skin turned sallow and I had dark bags under my eyes that were more prominent when I wore black near my face so I stopped wearing it and chose brighter colors and prints instead. I've since made my peace with black because it doesn't make me look sick any longer, and I've finished chemo, so I've learned how to coordinate around it without losing my individuality. Besides I've also had to compromise and accept the corporate policy some retail stores adhere to when I've interviewed with them and contemplated being employed by them in the future.

    Ideally the black dress any well-dressed woman counts as her "LBD" ("little black dress"), for various occasions should be as simply designed as possible so that it can be dressed up or dressed down accordingly. Before I bought my Calvin Klein dress at Ross I used to wear a black silk crepe 1960's dress I found at the Daniel Freeman Thrift Auxilary for $5.00 to all of my professional engagements. I finally had to retire it for awhile and look for an updated modern version with the same lines. That's when I found the Calvin Klein waiting for me on the Sale rack for about $20.00.

Shopping For Inspiration:
   On the day I had a doctor's appointment with my Oncologist, the creation of this outfit was on my mind, because I hadn't pulled everything together yet, so I decided to walk down to the Ross and Fallas on LaCienega Blvd. to see if I could find something inspiring. After an hour of filling up my shopping cart, from the suit, dress and cardigan rack, with about seven black, black and white and navy-blue and white polka-dotted dresses, a navy-blue pantsuit and a black and white long-sleeved Calvin Klein cardigan, I went to the fitting room to try them on.

   "Garments considered for purchase should always be tried on for fit, comfort and general appearance," wrote Hoffman. Women who've had a mastectomy and are wearing a prosthetic bra or have had reconstruction specifically need to follow this advice because they might have to make adjustments. Since I bought my black dress prior to my mastectomy, it fit differently following surgery, so I have to wear a black stretch camisole underneath it to fill it out.Initially I was frustrated about the way my dress fit, but once I tried on the camisole with it and saw that the alteration wasn't noticeable, I was happy with the addition.

   The dresses I'd selected were the same style as my Calvin Klein so I passed on them, and the suit was too big and casual so I passed on that too. I was left with the cardigan, and at $19.99, with a silhouette that flowed easily around my body, I felt it would be a perfect accompaniment to my dress. Earlier, while in the shoe section, I'd tried on a pair of white pointy toed Nine West flats accented with beige bow detailing. They cost about $17.99 and were the only shoes I saw that day that were in my budget. I tried them on again, and after visualizing them with my dress, I left the shopping area with them in my cart.

   When I got to the check-out counter I told the cashier, "I'm going to wear this black and white cardigan over a black Calvin Klein dress I bought at Ross about five years ago then I'm going to put on a pair of black tights to make these shoes pop. To tie it all together I'm going to go over to Fallas to buy some gold or pearl jewelry to wear with for extra pizazz."

   "You sound like you have it all planned out," she said.

     At Fallas I immediately went to their jewelry section and bought two gigantic pearl bracelets for $1.99 each, a black and silver pearl bracelet for $1.99, a black and brown pearl bracelet for $1.99 and a black rhinestone hair clip for $.99.

 Trying Everything On:
   That afternoon, after I got home with my haul, I still wasn't sure if my idea would work until I tried everything on in front of my full-length mirror. To complete the outfit I added a short strand of pearls my grandmother had given me for my birthday one year, the two gigantic pearl bracelets I bought at Fallas, black tights, the white and beige flats, a black leather purse and a beige suede briefcase to the black dress and the black and white cardigan. Although it looked wonderfully elegant I realized that since I had to take two buses to get to my appointment with the agency, and the intake process would take from two to three hours, I needed to wear something equally attractive but more practical for the day ahead.

   I knew I didn't want to make the same mistakes I'd made while working at The Limited, by turning black and white into a formulaic uniform, so I decided to give it a slight retro masculine/feminine feel by wearing my black and white pinstriped blazer over my off-white and black striped sweater set and a pair of black pants. I then added the strand of pearls and bracelets for glamour. Mindful of my body flaws again, I chose the sweater set because it wasn't too snug and was made out of 100% silk. The shell is a tank and the cardigan is long-sleeved so I knew I'd be comfortable en route to my appointment when worn underneath my blazer.

   At the end of my day I couldn't say that my appearance guaranteed a dream offer, through the agency, but the compliment by the placement coordinator that "I looked beautiful and exactly how I should look on the first day of any assignment" definitely gave me confidence and filled me with gratitude that someone appreciated that I'd chosen the right colors.

Dressing Up and Going Out

Victoria Moore is a writer and CSC member.

   I love doing makeovers. If that seems strange coming from someone who's been through Stage II Breast Cancer, it might be if you didn't know how it helped me get through my cancer journey.  Not only did it allow me to focus in a more positive way, it also gave me the chance to rejuvenate myself with the skills I had learned from my past experiences in retail. Equipped with every fashion magazine I could get my hands on, I studied fashion just like I had done before as a Fashion Merchandising student at CSULA. But this time I was doing research on my own since I couldn't afford to get a professional makeover every time I needed one.

 Now that I'm on the post-cancer drug part of my cancer experience, I'm faced with new challenges. My primary dilemma is how to psychologically prepare myself for a world where I have to consider permanent scarring, a prosthetic bra and budgetary restrictions. Despite all of my problems, I still want to look stylish and stay in the fashion game.

   While doing internet research for this blog, I came across an article "Breast Cancer Survivor: Fashion Hints After Your Mastectomy," reviewed by Charlotte E. Grayson Mathis, M.D., where Mary McCabe, RN, Director of the Cancer Survivorship program at Memorial Sloan Kettering Center in New York said, "Everyone needs to reassess their personal style after breast cancer."

   After reading it, I understood it to mean that I'd have to figure out how my clothes could express who I am today instead of who I was before my diagnosis. To do this, I started broadening my fashion research and including the internet. My favorite online sources are tokyofashion.com, Ivey Abbitz, Wasteland, Nasty Gal and Pinterest. While doing my research, I was able to compile my own magazine clip file for inspiration. It didn’t matter if I selected a fashion layout from "Elle" that featured a goth/romantic look accessorized with Victoriana from 2013 or an 2010 article from “Vogue” about pearls, because I was creating a fashion story that could stimulate my imagination.

    Lately I've been influenced by a Japanese style called "Dolly Kei" which is a "vintage-inspired fairy tale world" created by a store called "Grimoire." It consists of antique dresses, decorative hosiery, elaborate hairstyles decorated with ribbons, flowers and other props, pearls, antique gold necklaces and platforms or oxford shoes. Its femininity and use of flea market clothing is what appealed to me the most. My personal style includes the use of girly and feminine elements and the incorporation of second-hand and vintage clothing with modern pieces. I have been a collector and a regular thrift store shopper for many years now, so I've amassed an interesting mix of styles that I can go to whenever my wardrobe needs a boost.

   After studying 150 photos of the "Dolly Kei" event in Japan on Facebook, I started to resolve some my problems and even felt encouraged and hopeful. I looked at myself as a new person - I was still capable of taking style chances and was able express myself in multiple ways. I now feel more positive about the future and even look forward to getting up and getting dressed every day.

 

 

Is It Better To Look Good Than To Feel Good?

Victoria Moore is a writer and CSC member.

Style is optimistic. It is optimism made visible. Style presumes that you are a person of interest, that the world is a place of interest, that life is worth making the effort for.
Hara Estroff Marano from "How to Have Style"

Do you know what most people say when they meet me, even when they know I've had Stage II A Breast Cancer? "You look so good!!

Whenever they say that, it never fails to amaze me because it's so difficult for me to even look presentable. To get to the point where I can say, "Showtime Folks!" like Joe Gideon (Bob Fosse) did in "All That Jazz", I'm forced to confront a tired face, and a scarred body.  I have to find the energy to transform with makeup and clothes that reflect my own personal style.

On May 1, the facilitator for the Cancer Support Community-Benjamin Center's Writing Group gave us a topic which made me want to explore the subject of appearance. Below is the essay I wrote in response to the topic: Research indicates that holding onto unexpressed feelings or keeping a secret can take a great deal of energy in light of this I need to let you know that . . .

The effort I make to keep the secret that I'm not always "okay" by disguising it with my appearance has led me to a better place where I can deal with problems I wouldn't be able to handle if I didn't "front".  I'm not saying that it's always smart to pretend to be "okay" even when I'm not.  I'm saying that, lately, it's an alternative survival tactic that I need to use to confront issues that overwhelm me. Lately I've wondered how healthy this attitude is because it prevents me from asking for help when I need to and pretending to be strong when I'm not.

At times I'm glad I can reveal my process in my journal and my blogs, my articles and Writing Group and let go without worrying about others seeing who I really am when I'm totally vulnerable. One of the best ways I "hide in plain sight" is through my appearance, which I try to maintain whenever I'm out and about regardless of how I feel.  Realistically it's extremely difficult to keep up with fashion and popular trends when my mind is dually occupied with health issues, but I've found when I force myself to do it by either reading a fashion magazine or shopping at a store and buying something new, I'm diverted from the physical confines of my body and transported to the fun and glamorous world of appearance.

I don't feel separate any longer and instead of focusing and obsessing about all of my flaws caused by my illness and its side effects, I'm inspired by the transformation that new clothes bring, whether imagined or real. I feel like my old self again, even though deep down I've changed and I now see what used to be mere frivolity and happenstance in a new way. Now style's my armor and safety net, when I want it to be, which helps me deal.  And after reflecting during my down times when I'm my sometimes real raggedy self, it's a viable way to cope.

CHANGE ISN'T ALWAYS BAD

By Victoria Moore

   The hardest thing I've had to do since I started my breast cancer journey is transition back into the "real world" as a newly disabled person. At times I have a difficult time conceptualizing who I actually am now until I become exhausted or come down with a virus after visting "Costco" or going to a movie. Outwardly, and fully dressed, I look like the same old me but unclothed my body is a tapestry of scars amid smooth skin and a slim physique. I am imperfect, and a woman with a warrior's spirit, but still with the awkward shyness of a bewildered little girl. If I were an animal I'd probably be a six-month old kitten.
   Due to the way I see my body now I also look for new ways to express who I currently am and aspire to be. Lately I've been drawn to very tactile looks-faux fur coats, puffy jackets, satin blouses, velvet skirts and cozy sweaters-that look luxe and feel luscious. Through the pages of "Vogue," "Harper's Bazaar," and "Elle" I fantasize about all of the clothes I'd buy if I had deep pockets and how wonderful I'd look if I were model perfect. Lately, my new perspective has led me to seek out other style resources on the internet, too, where personal style is prized over perfection. Photographed in various locations, especially on the street, I regularly check out other "fashionistas" on "LookBook.nu" and "Tokyo Fashion". Besides making internet connections with like-minded individuals around the world I've also been able to check out how others dress without exposing myself to germs at the mall or in a store.
   This, in turn, has taught me to see my appearance as an integral part of the environment. So now when I'm out and about in the city, I'm more observant. You could say I've become a visionary who instantly transforms my surroundings to fit my new internal landscape. Whenever I pass by a street with run-down buildings, trash on the sidewalk, and graffiti on the the walls, I mentally repaint and refurbish the surfaces, pick up the trash, powerwash the sidewalk, and replace the tagging with glorious murals. Before my diagnosis, and subsequent path, this wasn't one of my concerns but today it is. It's important for me to be aesthetically fulfilled by my surroundings as a way of coping with all of the physical, emotional and psychological compromises I've had to make.
   In the beginning I was unsure how to do this until I started visiting various art galleries every month. "The Word is Art" is one that I've recently added to my list of favorites, along with "Trunk," "Buckwild," WWA," and "G2." Spacious and wonderfully decorated with paintings, photographs, jewelry and other art pieces when I visited, it's an enervating oasis in the middle of a vibrant walking area. When it replaced a floor store that had been there for years, I realized that all change isn't bad and some things can even change for the better. Hopefully the same will be said for me as I enter an exciting, but uncertain, future.

How I Learned How To Dress Well Despite Cancer

Here's a piece I wrote for my writing class through "Elizabeth's Canvas" called "Create Your Story" with instructor Julie Cobb.  It's called "The Storyboard" and it's a partially fictional account featuring an interview with a fashion designer I created named Vickie Elizabeth. She was previously diagnosed with breast cancer and had been cancer-free since 2007. To celebrate she used her disease as an inspiration for her Spring 2012 collection and was going to present it at the Cancer Support Community-Benjamin Center. When I wrote this I'd just finished reading young adult author Olivia Bennett's series "The Allegra Biscotti Collection" and "Who, What, Wear" about a very young designer who's talented enough to be the next Coco Chanel.  The clothes in my story are described as if a real designer conceived them. I hope this story helps those who're going through the same problems I faced while making my transformation after my mastectomy.

                                         "The Storyboard" by Victoria Moore (March 11, 2012)

I'll never forget the day the surgeon came into the examining room and told me I had Stage II A breast cancer. I would need to have a mastectomy, lymph nodes removed under my left arm and chemotherapy. My appearance was going to take a beating.  My cancer was in my left breast so it would have to be removed, and despite my oncologist's optimism, I knew I was going to lose all of my hair during chemo. Despite all of these seemingly important obstacles the only thing I could manage to worry about was, "How am I going to write about fashion if I'm going through breast cancer?"

If you'd have meet me at an L.A. Fashion Week event at the California Mart a few years ago, before my diagnosis, I'd be the tall, thin, quirky writer holding a reporter's pad and wearing my favorite black 1960s vintage dress, black Hue tights and my black 1950s vintage shoes. Almost to the second I heard I had the Big C the color black became my least favorite color. Oh, I still planned to wear it occasionally--just not head-to-toe, like I did before.

Around the time I got breast cancer I started going through my wardrobe and picking out things I could and couldn't wear to accommodate my current disability. Button-down shirts were definitely something I'd need along with cardigan sweaters and hoodies for doctor's appointments, the chemo suite and other hospital procedures. Heels were definitely out right now since I needed more secure soles.  I chose athletic shoes, loafers, ankle boots and men's oxfords. The sun also wasn't my friend so I chose clothes that were both comfortable and protective for my skin, such as leggings, jeans, longer skirts and dresses, hats, scarves and a green fringed parasol. Finally after I examined everything and organized what I had left, I realized I needed to buy some new things by a designer whose clothes would fit in with my own stuff and reflect who I was now.

"Wouldn't it be great to find a designer who'd already gone through breast cancer and understood the challenges of dressing every day from that vantage point?" I thought.

One Wednesday afternoon, while waiting for my Writing Group to begin at the Cancer Support Community, I was looking at the new flyers for upcoming events when I saw one for Vickie Elizabeth, an L.A.-based fashion designer who had just designed a new collection for Spring inspired by her journey with breast cancer. To celebrate her fifth cancer-free year she was presenting a special fashion show at CSC-BC along with an accompanying workshop and luncheon afterwards.

"She's exactly who I've been looking for," I thought. "I have to interview her and buy some of her clothes too, " I mumbled to myself as I wrote down her contact information into my pink "Hello Kitty" notebook.

A week later, after I called her, I went to her studio in Venice, California and sat down for an interview. Below is an excerpt.:

V.M.:  When were you diagnosed with breast cancer?
V.E.:    In 2006.
V.M.:   Why did you decide to use your journey, with breast cancer, as your inspiration for your Spring 2012 Collection?
V.E.:    Because it was such a significant time for me, and although I faced a lot of sartorial challenges, I knew I could help other women who were going through the same thing.
V.M.:   What colors did you use and why?
V.E.:    I chose ones that meant something to me. Ultimately I ended up with orange, which means "strong and passionate," pink, which is "feminine and healthy," browns, which are "earthy," and white which is "pure and refined."
V.M.:   Which fabrics did you use?
V.E.:    Cotton, silk, light-weight wool, chiffon and tulle.
V.M.:   Which silhouettes did you use?
V.E.:    Fitted and flowy. Masculine and feminine.
V.M.:   What inspired you?
V.E.:    The 1930s and the 1980s.
V.M.:   Which piece from your collection stands out and why?
V.E.:    The long floral maxi dress because it can be worn either during the day or at night depending on what you coordinate it with. If you pair it with a denim jacket and Converse it can be worn out to a casual date, and if worn with a jeweled cardigan sweater and strappy sandals, it can be worn to a fancy dinner.
V.M.:   What fashion advice would you give women struggling with breast cancer and body issues?
V.E.:    Don't forget to continue enjoying fashion and remember for every door that closes another one opens.