HOW SHOPPING THERAPY HELPED ME GET THROUGH A DIFFICULT TIME

By Victoria Moore

"How we look is important to many of us. But our character and personality are just as important and are part of our attractiveness to other people."-Macmillan Cancer Support (The Pressure On How You Look)

   The other day I had to go to the library, GNC and the drug store. Normally I would've been excited and overjoyed to hit the streets but since this was the first day I was leaving the house after my breast reconstruction procedure on May 23, I was filled with dread. I was still very sore and nervous about seeing the results.  Once I removed most of the bandages to take a quick bath, I wasn't surprised by the sadness that overtook me when I finally saw it. At this point I wondered how I was going to get through the day.

   Finally, after bathing and asking my mother to help dress and bandage my reconstruction area, I looked at my freshly made-up face and mentally prepared to dress. Due to my soreness and fatigue, I didn't have the strength to style my hair, so I decided to copy an Audrey Hepburn look I love, with a red,white and blue vintage cotton bucket hat and green, black and rhinestone shades. They perfectly set off the navy-blue sailor top and wide-legged green pants I'd chosen. This top is one of my favorites, whenever I have to conceal unsightly bandages, drains or new scars, and this time I wore it over an off-white Laura Ashley t-shirt with a new gold logo Betsey (Betsey Johnson) necklace I'd just bought at Ross.

   While I was running my errands, I thought about the outfit I'd coordinated to wear for my appointment with my counselor at the Department of Rehabilitation the next day, which consisted of my black vintage Don Loper blazer over my blue and white striped Ralph Lauren button-down shirt and a pair of brown Ann Taylor Loft cropped pants. The pants are a little big on me so I usually wear them with a pair of black suspenders I bought at The Surplus Store on Venice Blvd.  By adding a brown multicolored floral tie, black and white bow print ankle socks and brown two-tone bucks, I thought the outfit had a masculine flair that needed a feminine touch so I hoped to find something to lighten it up.

   After getting my vitamins I went over to Style Xpress to see if they had anything that would work. I found a beige and brown Chanel-type knock-off bracelet for $1.95 and brown woven hairband for $1.95, which I ended up wearing over my black velour headband for when I planned to put my hair in an 'up do' on the morning of my appointment.

   Stressful, but illuminating, the meeting with my counselor and an employment coordinator made me even more aware of how much shopping within "my new normal" was essential to my mental health. It allows me to leave the safety zone I surround myself with at home and visit an environment I can enjoy whether I buy anything or not.  Located about five minutes away, by foot, I took a pleasant walk to my favorite Goodwill Industries Thrift Store.  They were having a 50% off sale on their purses, which made me extremely happy, since I've always loved purses and cringe over the high price tags attached to contemporary "it bags."

   About a week ago, I saw a gorgeous brown fringed and white leather bag by Tod for $2,425 in the June 2014 issue of Marie Claire magazine that would've looked perfect with the outfit I wore to the Department of Rehabilitation. It was way out of my price range, except in my dreams, but it did inspire me to buy a black leather purse for my mother, and a green floral bag, a white multicolored embroidered bag and a miniature floral bag for myself. The total came to less than $30, even when I added a white men's t-shirt for $1.99 to the pile. I don't know if I'll feel as hip carrying these bags as I would with the brown and white Tod's but I'll definitely be delighted over how their bright and sunny designs add a splash of color to whatever I'm wearing with them.

   Prior to my diagnosis with Stage II A Breast Cancer in 2010 I had periods where I didn't care about my appearance as much as I do now and I let others tell me to "dress down".  I'm embarrassed to say I went along so I wouldn't rock the boat, until I had an epiphany, during my last procedure.  I realized I didn't dress to impress others but to go into battle. My clothes have become my uniform, and I'm a soldier who's still fighting a war against prejudice and pain. Despite the progress we've made, as a human race, I still encounter my fair share of abuse because I'm an African-American woman of a certain age who doesn't look it, and I'm still struggling with health issues. I know I can't control others, nor do I want to, but through clothes and style I can control myself and regardless of any negativity or discouraging vibes I can continue to move forward with my head held high.

   In the past four years I've noticed a downward trend toward "sloppy dressing" and "disposable clothing" that has contributed to a lack of common courtesy and customer service in some of the retail stores I've visited. This didn't bother me that much before I got cancer, but when I didn't receive any help as a customer following my diagnosis except at the cash register, it did bother me. So what did I do about it? I used the skills I learned as a salesperson and a manager to help myself make my shopping expeditions worthwhile.

   Since I'm a Los Angeles-based fashion/feature writer too, I've had to learn how to coordinate as well so that I'm consistently well dressed when I'm out looking for stories. One day I might see a new store, and go in to meet the owner, and another day I might meet a stylist, model or designer at the bus stop and strike up a conversation that leads to an exchange of cards and information. In other words, whenever you see me in the city, I'm on the job and working my beat.

   Life doesn't stop for anyone, any time or anywhere, even when cancer enters the picture, and you can't stop growing because of it. The easiest way to keep doing that, and remain part of the world around you is to go out and buy something that'll make you feel attractive and remind you that you deserve a little treat now and then.

Enjoying the Shopping Experience Despite the Obstacles
Pre-shopping Preparations to do Before You Go Shopping:
1) Do a wardrobe inventory of everything you own by taking everything out of your closets and list them on a piece of paper by category. If you can't do it by yourself have someone help you.

2) Try everything on in front of a full-length mirror and determine how it makes you look and feel at the moment. Make a note of that on your wardrobe inventory list.

3) Study each season's trends in Vogue, Harper's Bazaar, and other top fashion magazines, then make notes about looks that you like and tear out photos of the designs that appeal to you.

4) Determine where you have to wear the clothes you need (i.e., at home, at work, doctor's appointments, medical procedures, chemo suite, hospital stay, exercise, etc.)

5) Make a wish list of what you want then determine your budget.

Shopping On the Days You Feel Like Going Out:
1) Take a shopping companion/stylist with you to help you carry things around the store, put items in the fitting room and try them on.

2) Find a store where you can be a "regular" and feel comfortable shopping so that you don't feel awkward asking for help when and if your appearance changes due to chemo, surgery or procedures.

3) On days you just feel like browsing, find a nice mall or shopping area and look at their window displays. One of my favorite places is Santa Monica Place where I used to love going on Sunday mornings. It made me feel better and more inspired to look at the display windows for Kitson, Coach, LeSportsac, Tory Burch, Kate Spade, Bloomingdale's and other stores before I walked to my Creative Arts Class at the Realm Studio. (Sponsored by Elizabeth's Canvas and CSC.)

Stores:
1) Style Xpress (3875 Overland Ave., Culver City, CA. 90232, 310-202-0480).
2) Goodwill National Store 32 (8905 Venice Blvd., West Los Angeles, CA. 310-845-9327).

THE PROCESS OF CREATING ART

 
By Victoria Moore

Art has always been very important to me, even though I'm not much of an artist. I can't draw or paint like Pablo Picasso or concoct a canvas with vibrant colors like Henri Matisse. I can't capture a flower perfectly like Georgia O'keeffe or dribble paint like Jackson Pollack. I can enjoy the process of making my own compositions, however, that comes from a week of studying nature in all its glory or immersing myself in a famous masterpiece by Pierre August Renoir.

Before I took Kimber Luederitz's "Creative Art Class" at the Realm Studio in Santa Monica, California, I didn't even know what "the process" was. I thought you either had to have artistic talent or years of training to be an artist. Gifted with the patience it takes to work with people who're going through the cancer experience, Kimber provided a highly supportive environment where I not only grew artistically but emotionally and psychologically as well.  Her class is provided by Elizabeth's Canvas and is a partnership with Cancer Support Community-Benjamin Center.

Compared to the more advance students in the class, I initially felt what I brought to the art table was meager fare indeed. The only experience I had had was the Art History and Design classes I was required to take as part of my coursework as a Fashion Merchandising major at CSULA. At the time I utilized these skills when I worked in retail to do visual merchandising and fashion coordination. Later, when I became a fashion/feature writer I used them for photography and when describing various trends, stores and events. When I got Breast Cancer in 2010 and discovered a way to use art in Esther Dreifuss-Katen's "Cancer and Creativity" class to express what I was going through, I saw how beneficial it was.

Despite the differences in Kimber and Esther's classes, I still responded to both with equal enthusiasm. I did notice, however, that my education about art grew more with Kimber's class because we focused on specific types of painting for a longer period of time and got a chance to really work on a project. In the first class, we started with "color studies" in the mode of artist Mark Rothko. For some reason I chose pink, blue/green and white and painted them in straight bands with a series of connecting lines between the sections. When I thought about why I chose that palette I remembered that pink is my favorite color, blue means harmony, green means rebirth and white means cleanliness.

For our second class, we continued with color studies, but this time we added an organic shape to one portion of the painting. Following a week of studying trees, flowers, leaves and clouds I chose leaves as my organic shape. I still used pink and blue but this time I also added yellow and green. We finished the "color studies" in one day and besides feeling happy about creating something beautiful in a single sitting, I also enjoyed how involved I became while bringing it to completion.

The next painting we worked on, a vase of flowers, was a lot more difficult and caused me hours of frustration and anxiety. To start us off Kimber showed us a series of paintings on the computer then let us select a color copy from a variety of different ones. I chose a gorgeous Impressionist piece by Renoir that had a luxurious goldish-brown background against a bouquet of light pink flowers in a green vase. After we studied our chosen picture we were then instructed to sketch out our composition on canvas and then work on the table and background. Unlike the "color studies" we'd done previously this project was to be completed in stages.  My painting went through a significant amount of changes,where I eventually ended up painting a flower and vase that were simpler, but no less striking.

The event that made my progress even more trying was the breast reconstruction surgery I had on September 26. I was taking a computer class at the time too, so the effort it took to participate in both classes, was enormous. Still I pushed on with this painting, seeing it as becoming a reflection of my trials and tribulations. In the end the painting I ended up with, pink orchids in a green vase atop a red tablecloth and against an orange background, was a collaboration between Kimber and I that I profoundly appreciated. Vibrant and resilient, with all of the colors I'm attracted to on a good day, this final composition is an effort I'll always be glad I struggled to achieve.

Look for more upcoming art classes in partnership with Elizabeth's Canvas and Cancer Support Community-Benjamin at http://www.cancersupportcommunitybenjamincenter.org/calendar/program-calendar/month.calendar/2013/12/02/-.html or call 310-314-2555 for more information.

How I Learned How To Dress Well Despite Cancer

Here's a piece I wrote for my writing class through "Elizabeth's Canvas" called "Create Your Story" with instructor Julie Cobb.  It's called "The Storyboard" and it's a partially fictional account featuring an interview with a fashion designer I created named Vickie Elizabeth. She was previously diagnosed with breast cancer and had been cancer-free since 2007. To celebrate she used her disease as an inspiration for her Spring 2012 collection and was going to present it at the Cancer Support Community-Benjamin Center. When I wrote this I'd just finished reading young adult author Olivia Bennett's series "The Allegra Biscotti Collection" and "Who, What, Wear" about a very young designer who's talented enough to be the next Coco Chanel.  The clothes in my story are described as if a real designer conceived them. I hope this story helps those who're going through the same problems I faced while making my transformation after my mastectomy.

                                         "The Storyboard" by Victoria Moore (March 11, 2012)

I'll never forget the day the surgeon came into the examining room and told me I had Stage II A breast cancer. I would need to have a mastectomy, lymph nodes removed under my left arm and chemotherapy. My appearance was going to take a beating.  My cancer was in my left breast so it would have to be removed, and despite my oncologist's optimism, I knew I was going to lose all of my hair during chemo. Despite all of these seemingly important obstacles the only thing I could manage to worry about was, "How am I going to write about fashion if I'm going through breast cancer?"

If you'd have meet me at an L.A. Fashion Week event at the California Mart a few years ago, before my diagnosis, I'd be the tall, thin, quirky writer holding a reporter's pad and wearing my favorite black 1960s vintage dress, black Hue tights and my black 1950s vintage shoes. Almost to the second I heard I had the Big C the color black became my least favorite color. Oh, I still planned to wear it occasionally--just not head-to-toe, like I did before.

Around the time I got breast cancer I started going through my wardrobe and picking out things I could and couldn't wear to accommodate my current disability. Button-down shirts were definitely something I'd need along with cardigan sweaters and hoodies for doctor's appointments, the chemo suite and other hospital procedures. Heels were definitely out right now since I needed more secure soles.  I chose athletic shoes, loafers, ankle boots and men's oxfords. The sun also wasn't my friend so I chose clothes that were both comfortable and protective for my skin, such as leggings, jeans, longer skirts and dresses, hats, scarves and a green fringed parasol. Finally after I examined everything and organized what I had left, I realized I needed to buy some new things by a designer whose clothes would fit in with my own stuff and reflect who I was now.

"Wouldn't it be great to find a designer who'd already gone through breast cancer and understood the challenges of dressing every day from that vantage point?" I thought.

One Wednesday afternoon, while waiting for my Writing Group to begin at the Cancer Support Community, I was looking at the new flyers for upcoming events when I saw one for Vickie Elizabeth, an L.A.-based fashion designer who had just designed a new collection for Spring inspired by her journey with breast cancer. To celebrate her fifth cancer-free year she was presenting a special fashion show at CSC-BC along with an accompanying workshop and luncheon afterwards.

"She's exactly who I've been looking for," I thought. "I have to interview her and buy some of her clothes too, " I mumbled to myself as I wrote down her contact information into my pink "Hello Kitty" notebook.

A week later, after I called her, I went to her studio in Venice, California and sat down for an interview. Below is an excerpt.:

V.M.:  When were you diagnosed with breast cancer?
V.E.:    In 2006.
V.M.:   Why did you decide to use your journey, with breast cancer, as your inspiration for your Spring 2012 Collection?
V.E.:    Because it was such a significant time for me, and although I faced a lot of sartorial challenges, I knew I could help other women who were going through the same thing.
V.M.:   What colors did you use and why?
V.E.:    I chose ones that meant something to me. Ultimately I ended up with orange, which means "strong and passionate," pink, which is "feminine and healthy," browns, which are "earthy," and white which is "pure and refined."
V.M.:   Which fabrics did you use?
V.E.:    Cotton, silk, light-weight wool, chiffon and tulle.
V.M.:   Which silhouettes did you use?
V.E.:    Fitted and flowy. Masculine and feminine.
V.M.:   What inspired you?
V.E.:    The 1930s and the 1980s.
V.M.:   Which piece from your collection stands out and why?
V.E.:    The long floral maxi dress because it can be worn either during the day or at night depending on what you coordinate it with. If you pair it with a denim jacket and Converse it can be worn out to a casual date, and if worn with a jeweled cardigan sweater and strappy sandals, it can be worn to a fancy dinner.
V.M.:   What fashion advice would you give women struggling with breast cancer and body issues?
V.E.:    Don't forget to continue enjoying fashion and remember for every door that closes another one opens.