HOW SHOPPING THERAPY HELPED ME GET THROUGH A DIFFICULT TIME

By Victoria Moore

"How we look is important to many of us. But our character and personality are just as important and are part of our attractiveness to other people."-Macmillan Cancer Support (The Pressure On How You Look)

   The other day I had to go to the library, GNC and the drug store. Normally I would've been excited and overjoyed to hit the streets but since this was the first day I was leaving the house after my breast reconstruction procedure on May 23, I was filled with dread. I was still very sore and nervous about seeing the results.  Once I removed most of the bandages to take a quick bath, I wasn't surprised by the sadness that overtook me when I finally saw it. At this point I wondered how I was going to get through the day.

   Finally, after bathing and asking my mother to help dress and bandage my reconstruction area, I looked at my freshly made-up face and mentally prepared to dress. Due to my soreness and fatigue, I didn't have the strength to style my hair, so I decided to copy an Audrey Hepburn look I love, with a red,white and blue vintage cotton bucket hat and green, black and rhinestone shades. They perfectly set off the navy-blue sailor top and wide-legged green pants I'd chosen. This top is one of my favorites, whenever I have to conceal unsightly bandages, drains or new scars, and this time I wore it over an off-white Laura Ashley t-shirt with a new gold logo Betsey (Betsey Johnson) necklace I'd just bought at Ross.

   While I was running my errands, I thought about the outfit I'd coordinated to wear for my appointment with my counselor at the Department of Rehabilitation the next day, which consisted of my black vintage Don Loper blazer over my blue and white striped Ralph Lauren button-down shirt and a pair of brown Ann Taylor Loft cropped pants. The pants are a little big on me so I usually wear them with a pair of black suspenders I bought at The Surplus Store on Venice Blvd.  By adding a brown multicolored floral tie, black and white bow print ankle socks and brown two-tone bucks, I thought the outfit had a masculine flair that needed a feminine touch so I hoped to find something to lighten it up.

   After getting my vitamins I went over to Style Xpress to see if they had anything that would work. I found a beige and brown Chanel-type knock-off bracelet for $1.95 and brown woven hairband for $1.95, which I ended up wearing over my black velour headband for when I planned to put my hair in an 'up do' on the morning of my appointment.

   Stressful, but illuminating, the meeting with my counselor and an employment coordinator made me even more aware of how much shopping within "my new normal" was essential to my mental health. It allows me to leave the safety zone I surround myself with at home and visit an environment I can enjoy whether I buy anything or not.  Located about five minutes away, by foot, I took a pleasant walk to my favorite Goodwill Industries Thrift Store.  They were having a 50% off sale on their purses, which made me extremely happy, since I've always loved purses and cringe over the high price tags attached to contemporary "it bags."

   About a week ago, I saw a gorgeous brown fringed and white leather bag by Tod for $2,425 in the June 2014 issue of Marie Claire magazine that would've looked perfect with the outfit I wore to the Department of Rehabilitation. It was way out of my price range, except in my dreams, but it did inspire me to buy a black leather purse for my mother, and a green floral bag, a white multicolored embroidered bag and a miniature floral bag for myself. The total came to less than $30, even when I added a white men's t-shirt for $1.99 to the pile. I don't know if I'll feel as hip carrying these bags as I would with the brown and white Tod's but I'll definitely be delighted over how their bright and sunny designs add a splash of color to whatever I'm wearing with them.

   Prior to my diagnosis with Stage II A Breast Cancer in 2010 I had periods where I didn't care about my appearance as much as I do now and I let others tell me to "dress down".  I'm embarrassed to say I went along so I wouldn't rock the boat, until I had an epiphany, during my last procedure.  I realized I didn't dress to impress others but to go into battle. My clothes have become my uniform, and I'm a soldier who's still fighting a war against prejudice and pain. Despite the progress we've made, as a human race, I still encounter my fair share of abuse because I'm an African-American woman of a certain age who doesn't look it, and I'm still struggling with health issues. I know I can't control others, nor do I want to, but through clothes and style I can control myself and regardless of any negativity or discouraging vibes I can continue to move forward with my head held high.

   In the past four years I've noticed a downward trend toward "sloppy dressing" and "disposable clothing" that has contributed to a lack of common courtesy and customer service in some of the retail stores I've visited. This didn't bother me that much before I got cancer, but when I didn't receive any help as a customer following my diagnosis except at the cash register, it did bother me. So what did I do about it? I used the skills I learned as a salesperson and a manager to help myself make my shopping expeditions worthwhile.

   Since I'm a Los Angeles-based fashion/feature writer too, I've had to learn how to coordinate as well so that I'm consistently well dressed when I'm out looking for stories. One day I might see a new store, and go in to meet the owner, and another day I might meet a stylist, model or designer at the bus stop and strike up a conversation that leads to an exchange of cards and information. In other words, whenever you see me in the city, I'm on the job and working my beat.

   Life doesn't stop for anyone, any time or anywhere, even when cancer enters the picture, and you can't stop growing because of it. The easiest way to keep doing that, and remain part of the world around you is to go out and buy something that'll make you feel attractive and remind you that you deserve a little treat now and then.

Enjoying the Shopping Experience Despite the Obstacles
Pre-shopping Preparations to do Before You Go Shopping:
1) Do a wardrobe inventory of everything you own by taking everything out of your closets and list them on a piece of paper by category. If you can't do it by yourself have someone help you.

2) Try everything on in front of a full-length mirror and determine how it makes you look and feel at the moment. Make a note of that on your wardrobe inventory list.

3) Study each season's trends in Vogue, Harper's Bazaar, and other top fashion magazines, then make notes about looks that you like and tear out photos of the designs that appeal to you.

4) Determine where you have to wear the clothes you need (i.e., at home, at work, doctor's appointments, medical procedures, chemo suite, hospital stay, exercise, etc.)

5) Make a wish list of what you want then determine your budget.

Shopping On the Days You Feel Like Going Out:
1) Take a shopping companion/stylist with you to help you carry things around the store, put items in the fitting room and try them on.

2) Find a store where you can be a "regular" and feel comfortable shopping so that you don't feel awkward asking for help when and if your appearance changes due to chemo, surgery or procedures.

3) On days you just feel like browsing, find a nice mall or shopping area and look at their window displays. One of my favorite places is Santa Monica Place where I used to love going on Sunday mornings. It made me feel better and more inspired to look at the display windows for Kitson, Coach, LeSportsac, Tory Burch, Kate Spade, Bloomingdale's and other stores before I walked to my Creative Arts Class at the Realm Studio. (Sponsored by Elizabeth's Canvas and CSC.)

Stores:
1) Style Xpress (3875 Overland Ave., Culver City, CA. 90232, 310-202-0480).
2) Goodwill National Store 32 (8905 Venice Blvd., West Los Angeles, CA. 310-845-9327).