Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it. -Helen Keller
I have been in therapy, off and on, ever since I was about 12 years old because besides coming from a dysfunctional family, I've also suffered abuse from others outside of my family and endured several difficult situations in which I had to struggle to survive. Some of it was racial, because I'm an African-American female, and some of it was like a reenactment of the unsupportive and brutal childhood I lived through. In 2003, I was the target of a stalker while working as a Circulation Page at the Santa Monica Library; the experience left me with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD. PTSD is "a set of emotional problems that can occur after someone has experienced a terrible, stressful life event". I also have an ulcer and lupus. Throughout all of this I tried to function enough to work, go to school and conduct my life.
Just when I thought I had enough on my plate to deal with I was diagnosed with Stage II A Breast Cancer in 2010. I sank into a deep depression following my first chemo treatment due to a low blood count that caused my Oncologist to check me into the Neupogen ward of the hospital. Once there I was told by the doctors that I had to withdraw from my classes, couldn't work or go out in public since my immune system wasn't strong enough. During my three year journey with breast cancer both my ulcer and lupus have given me so many complications I had quite a few setbacks causing further depression. Once, when my general practitioner visited me in the hospital, she noticed how down I seemed so she prescribed Zoloft and told me to make an appointment with a therapist.
Following her suggestion, as soon as I could go out in public, I attended six counseling sessions at Cancer Support Community-Benjamin Center, and other longer term sessions elsewhere. In addition to the counseling I also started going to CSC-BC's Writing Group and the "Cancer and Creativity" art therapy group in Santa Monica. To sum up all of my therapy treatments, thus far, they've helped me start over with cancer as an impetus. I'm learning how to finally seek out supportive environments and relationships, for the first time in my life, and use my sessions as a place to not only express anger and frustration about my past but about cancer, too. I can also clear my head enough to deal with all of the decisions I've had to make regarding my health and life right now without distractions.
My challenge with cancer has also been harder because of my PTSD since cancer has just been one more "terrible event that occurred to me that I didn't choose or want. The difference with the therapy I'm now getting, as opposed to my previous experiences, is it deals with PTSD directly and shows me a way that I can "seek safety" by taking care of myself physically and emotionally. I've continued asking for help when I need it, use community resources, and participate in healthy activities (e.g., reading, writing and tap dancing) to relax and relieve stress on a daily basis. Even though one of the most difficult things was for me to admit I needed help and see my therapists and others as allies, it was the most useful tool I've learned. I was so used to putting on a brave front that I often became overwhelmed. Their advice to "stop and listen to my body" helped me more often than not.
Two problems I constantly deal with, as a person with PTSD going through the cancer journey, are how to establish boundaries and not respond to triggers. Previously I just accepted dramatic situations as a part of my life but ever since I got cancer they've caused me so much stress so I've had to limit the amount of drama in my life. With therapy, I've learned how to detach from unhealthy relationships and walk away from drama.
Today I'm in the post-cancer drug phase of my journey and from where I currently sit my future's still a little hazy but I know with continued therapy it'll become clearer.
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