Living and Dressing Beyond the Pink

Pink and White Jacket with Pink Breast Cancer Scarf

   On my last day of chemo I was both elated and anxious. Why? Because I was finally going to leave behind my breast cancer struggle and re-enter the world as a survivor and a warrior, with a new set of skills. I had learned how to live with an inhumane amount of pain and discomfort and my physical appearance had changed in ways I'd have to adjust to. I also had learned how to survive, in a world, where I was now considered disabled.

    Little did I realize when I left the safety, security and support of the environments where others helped me get through this chapter of my life, I'd be entering a world where I was reacquainted with racism because I'm African-American, ageism, and a negative onslaught from my own race and other minorities because of the way I dress and present myself. The worst has been on my job search and through my continued educational pursuits. As an African-American female I'm used to prejudice, obstacles and a general ignorance about my abilities, but I have to admit the vitriol I've encountered during this phase of my post-cancer journey has surprised even an experienced "target" like myself.In a way I see it as another form of cancer, but this time it's outside of my body.

    Initially, and also during the worst moments, when so-called experts told me to "tone down my appearance" and "dumb myself down" to get a job, I experienced so much anger and shock the stress took a toll on my body and I became physically ill. I had to figure out a way to confront and combat this negativity and continue striving to be the best person I could be now that I was on the other side of chemo.

     One solution was to complain about the way I was being treated, to the right people, and seek advice on how to deal with these problems. When I told a career counselor, who works with cancer patients, about the job-related comments regarding my personal style, educational and high skill level, she agreed with me that it was racist, inappropriate and unprofessional. Most importantly she reminded me, "The next time anyone tries to hold you down think about what Oprah Winfrey, Maya Angelou and other strong black women would do in your situation, and do what they'd do."

     This advice helped me immeasurably and made me realize I shouldn't be trying to fit into an environment where my best self wasn't accepted and couldn't thrive, I should be searching for a more positive fit and situation. During this revelation I was also struggling to deal with my altered physique following my reconstruction. The plastic surgeon had rejuvenated me by fixing what cancer altered, but now that I could wear regular (non-mastectomy) bras and was a little larger I had to change how I dressed yet again. This time, however, I thoroughly embraced and accepted my inner fashionista and proudly wore the clothes I wanted to. Do you know what happened because of this approach? I started to feel good about myself again and enjoy dressing up in nice things, especially pink ones.

    In addition to being associated with breast cancer, because of the pink ribbon, pink has been my favorite color ever since I changed it from red. Long "associated with charm, politeness, sensitivity, tenderness, sweetness, childhood, the feminine, and the romantic," last October I was very pleased to see a rack of pink clothes at one of my favorite thrift stores, Council Thrift Store, celebrating Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I selected a lovely pink and white checked blazer from it and bought it immediately. Structured, and slightly retro, it represented exactly how I felt at the time.

     Over these past months, where I've continued to suffer from crushing racism and employment obstacles, I've continuously turned to the color pink and worn it when I need to feel strong. For the day I had to go to my ECE 11 class at Santa Monica College, after a particularly grueling weekend of homework, I decided to try out a new look accented with pink. Using my pink breast cancer socks as a starting point I coordinated my pink and white floral blazer with an off-white lacy sleeveless top worn over a short-sleeved t-shirt, grey harem pants, then accessorized the outfit with a pink knit Betsey Johnson scarf, a pink and gold bow bracelet and flowered sneakers.Buoyed by the bright shade and unusual combination I was able to get through the day despite my exhaustion.

    After going through so much hardship and revelation throughout my life, before, during and after cancer I'm not sure whether the color pink has special healing powers for me or not, but I do think it has the ability to make me feel happy, beautiful and resilient regardless, which is good enough for me.

Interesting Facts About the Color Pink:

1. The prime era for pink was during the Rococo Period (1720-1777) in the 18th century.
2. The name was initially used in the 17th century.
3. Pink was known as a "masculine color" in the 19th century.
4. Italian fashion designer, Elsa Schiaparelli (1890-1973) "created a new variety of the color, called Shocking Pink in 1931.
5. In the 1960's, Jacqueline Kennedy made pink a popular "high-fashion color".