LEARNING TO LIVE OUTSIDE THE BOX

Sketch by Victoria Moore

Victoria Moore is a writer and CSC member.

I've been in a strange mood lately that's led me to push myself in directions previously off-limits thanks to chemo side-effects I'm still struggling with, namely anemia, fatigue and chemo brain or chemo fog. Previously, to deal with them, I've had to learn how to take frequent naps, limit my activities on a daily basis, write a lot of notes and stay in touch with my doctors to keep them updated on how I was feeling at all times. If that doesn't sound like fun, believe me it wasn't, especially when I was used to working full-time, going to school, having an active social life and keeping up with my hobbies (i.e., reading, tap dancing, going to movies, etc.,). Anyway back to my strange mood which came out of a deep depression where I saw my life become smaller and smaller, darker and darker. How was I going to pull myself out of this hole and become part of the big blue world again?

First I decided to take my mother to see a movie. Personally, I'm more of a "Great Gatsby" fan than a "Star Trek Into Darkness" one, but she love Science Fiction, so one Sunday morning we went to the early show at the Rave theater in the Baldwin Hills Plaza to see it. Even though I wasn't enthusiastic about it initially, one of my favorite actors, Benedict Cumberbatch, was in it so I was looking forward to seeing his performance as the villain. Besides his brilliant portrayal I even found myself equally inspired by the film's futuristic sets, action scenes and modernistic costumes. After this small step outside of the box I'd been confined to I could feel my sadness lifting and my life opening up.

My second step included the physical alteration of my visual eye by taking nature photos around my yard and teaching myself how to draw with a sketching kit my mother gave me for my last birthday. The main thing these creative endeavors do is force me to stop and concentrate on myself for awhile and practice a little self-care. I'm forced to beautify instead of mope about how intrusive cancer's been to my life, even if it's only for five minutes a day. I know my future will include further challenges intellectually, creatively, physically and psychologically as I continue to work through these side-effects, but after taking these two small steps I'm encouraged and hopeful about my progress to continue living outside the box.